via Katie's Funnies board on Pinterest
1. Talking on the phone
I seem to have developed a phobia about talking on the phone. When someone leaves me a voice mail to return their call, I experience a spike of anxiety. Seriously. Same thing when my phone rings. I even programmed a happy ringtone to try to counteract the dread I feel every time my phone rings.
2. Ironing clothes
I intentionally buy clothes that do not need to be ironed due to my anti-ironing stance. I have also been known to take shirts to be pressed at the dry cleaner rather than iron them myself. They do a much better job anyway.
3. My kids whining about having no one to play with
I ranted to The Engineer the other night about this very thing while we walked the dog. I am sure that is exactly what he wanted to experience after a long, stressful day at work. Wife of the year, 2014. Here's the thing. Due to our close proximity to their school, we have a ton of kids in our neighborhood. They are everywhere, coming out of the woodwork. I did not have that when I was a kid. We lived in a small neighborhood out in the county and there were only two other houses besides us who even had kids our age. So if my kids want to piss me off as quickly as possible, they should come to me and complain that they don't have anyone to play with.
Last week Little Kid played with I believe four different kids - maybe five - and then had the nerve last weekend to complain that she never has anyone to play with. Her brother is the one who as soon as his buddy leaves the house, makes a beeline to me to ask if he can go to another buddy's house. No! You cannot! Spend some time getting to know yourself!
4. When my dog poops during his walk
I have a confession to make. We have a poop service come and clean up the yard each week. I promise you that I am not as hoity toity as that sounds. When we moved in our home, we moved from a large back yard to a much smaller one. In Tennessee, Baxter had a corner where he pooped and we, having plenty of space, avoided that corner. When we moved here he decided that his bathroom spot was beside the kids' swing set. Not the best of choices. So I purchased a pooper scooper (in TN, I used a shovel and tossed it into the cow field behind our neighborhood) and proceeded to try to DIY. But Bax was a prolific twice a day pooper. The neighborhood kids stopped coming to play in our yard because they complained that they always got poop on their shoes. Our neighbor stopped letting her daughter play in our backyard because of it. I was horribly embarrassed.
The poop company is super nice, does a fantastic job and it is not that expensive. But when Fletch poops during the walk, I tell him that we are not getting our money's worth.
The worst thing is when the dog poops but I have forgotten my bag. So we run home to get it but I am always afraid that someone is looking out their window and thinking, "That horrible woman is just leaving the poop in the middle of the sidewalk!" I always want to yell out, "I promise, I am coming back!"
5. People who do not return phone calls/emails
That is my work peeve. Because if I can do it (and remember #1), they can too. I would rather them call/email me back to tell me, No, I cannot do A - B - C than leave me hanging. At least if I receive a negative, I can go in a different direction.
Running + Sore throats + Current pop music + Deoderant stains + Brushing the tangles out of Little Kid's hair + Blackspot on my roses + Country fried steak + Hypocrisy + Stepping on tiny toy pieces + Scratchy towels + Sand in my house + Dental work + Whole milk + Michael Bay movies + Omelets + Ted from How I Met Your Mother + Extreme political views + Salad + Wal Mart + Thong underwear + Fish + Russell Crowe
That was rather cathartic. Happy Weekend!
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