8.25.2015

Hello Kidney Stone, My Old Nemesis

I sat down this morning with my cup of coffee and was hit my a sharp pain in my side. Noooooo, I thought. Not another one. For the past 15 years, I have been plagued with kidney stones. Big ones, little ones, a whole variety of stupid little stones that pretty much grind my life to a halt. We still don't know exactly what causes them, and I had hoped that mine were behind me since I had not had a larger one in awhile. I have pains here and there that I interpret as small stones, but nothing like in the past. Let's take a trip down memory lane while I guzzle a gallon of cranberry juice.

2000: I was living by myself in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. I woke up one morning to go to work, climbed out of bed and collapsed on the floor, immediately puking into the garbage can by my desk. That would be Kidney Stone #1. I had never experienced anything like that before and thought my appendix burst. I was in so much pain that I was not thinking clearly to call any friends -- I called 911 and passed out. Luckily I woke up long enough to unlock the front door for the paramedics. Next thing I knew I was in the ER. The plan was for me to try to pass it on my own but until then I would stay pretty hopped up on painkillers.

What I remember about that special week is that I had an interview with the Secret Service that I did not want to reschedule. So the Bestie drove me to Nashville and I still went through with it, drugged to the gills. I explained to the agent that I was having a lithotripsy that week but he was not overly sympathetic. I was convinced that I had bombed the interview so imagine my shock when they called later that week to schedule the next interview in the process. I don't know what that says about the Secret Service that I passed their interview stoned out of my gourd.

What I also remember is that it was the same week as the Super Bowl. And if you are a Tennessee Titans fan, you remember that Super Bowl. The Super Bowl we lost by inches. I went to a Super Bowl party with some friends and you can imagine the mood after that heartbreaking loss. I just sat on the couch with a dopey smile on my face thinking that I was going to be pretty bummed when I came down out of the clouds.

Kidney Stone #2: It was 2005, I was married and living in Tullahoma with the Engineer. Big was seven months old and it was his first holidays. And I was high as a kite. Unfortunately no procedures were scheduled until the week after New Years so I had to soldier through until January. We traveled to The Engineer's hometown for Christmas and once again, I ended up in their ER after the Lortab stopped working. Good times.


I look a little glassy-eyed.

Kidney Stone #3: Little was three months old for this one so that would make it April 2008. And while it was the biggest stone yet, we were prepared for it. My urologist told me that pregnancy usually grows the stone larger and this one was a doozy. Thankfully, I did not have to waste time passing it like in the two previous instances and we just went ahead and scheduled the surgery. This stone was so large that it was more intensive and I was admitted after the surgery and set up with my very own morphine pump. I liked that morphine pump just a little too much. That was my first and only experience with withdrawal. I came home the next day with the shakes. No bueno.

Since then, I have had much better luck with passing them so I am confident that I can pass this one again with my trusty drugs+cranberry juice combo. Let's hope so because I do not have time for surgery!

So has anyone else had kidney stones? What do you do to pass them? While I am an old hat at this, I am also always looking for new ways to avoid doctors visits and cat scans. My last one was in 2012 but luckily I was able to pass that one on my own without medical intervention. Fingers crossed for a similar experience with this.

Happy Tuesday!

4 comments:

  1. Oh no! I'm so sorry. Never had them and I hope never to because they sound horrible! Best of luck.

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  2. Praying for relief and good health for you!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Susanne! I was really lucky this time -- I did not need medical assistance, whew!

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